Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He felt like a one man threesome
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
