Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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