There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
