She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
