my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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