ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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