I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
