you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
