He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize