Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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