Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
