finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
