A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
