I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
