So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
