my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
