So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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