Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
