I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
