I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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