it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
