I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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