as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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