He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
