Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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