he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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