A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
