We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
