I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
