Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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