we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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