you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
