i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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