I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
