I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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