I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize