Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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