She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
