We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
