I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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