I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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