i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
