whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
