also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
