The beer is more important than you right now.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
