I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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