yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
