can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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