Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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