Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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