In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
