Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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