dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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