Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
