possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
