I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
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My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
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there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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