arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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