Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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