i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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