I didn't shave. On purpose
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
