You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
