So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
